Out of the loop.

At the beginning of June, I moved on-post, and spent the rest of the month frantically unpacking and cleaning for J's homecoming. June was a whirlwind, but 3 weeks ago, my husband finally returned from a year in Afghanistan. I am so incredibly proud of what my soldier did for this country through deployment, but having him home safely is a joy I can't put into words. Not everyone waiting anxiously state-side gets to have their longed for reunion, and I will never forget how lucky we are that he is home with me.

J and I have had a wonderful few weeks of our summer so far. The pets are thrilled to have him home, and Paisley, who he just met upon his return, is in love with him. It's hilarious to see them play together. We spent a couple night in Fort Worth for the 4th of July, and we have a trip to San Antonio and the gulf coast coming up at the end of the month. Last year, J left a few days before my birthday, so it makes these little trips, this year's birthday (which was Friday) and our upcoming anniversary that much more special. 

On the TTC front, things suck. I triggered a 24mm, 25mm, and 16mm follies the day before J got home. I was so sure that it had worked. I had all my classic symptoms, tested out the trigger, then got what I thought were pretty promising invisible lines/evaps (that I've never gotten on this brand HPT in the last 3 years) while we were up in Fort Worth. But, by the day we got home, AF was there. 10 day LP, despite progesterone supps? That's lame. 

So, it's another round of what we tried that cycle. I just finished up Femara 7.5 mg CD 5-9 on Friday. I go for a follie check on Thursday, CD 16. We will see I guess. I'll move to just Gonal-F next cycle if this one is a bust. We PCS to Tennessee in October, and I'm terrified of having to start this process all over with yet another new Dr. if something doesn't work before we leave. I am hoping and praying, for a multitude of reasons, that I have a healthy pregnancy going by then. 

Like a good friend mentioned on her blog recently, feeling left behind sucks. Hard. I have friends that hadn't even met their now-husbands when we started trying, that have babies already. Friends that decide to start trying, and don't even know what its like to get a negative test at the end of the cycle. And the thing is, it's not at all that I don't want that for them. 

It's that I want it for us, too. For myself, and for the handful of girls from my group left still trying to build a family in whatever way they can. It's an amazing feeling to see my friends from my support group moving on. There is no way to describe how my heart soars that these wonderful women are coming out the other side of all the struggles they've seen. It's beautiful. I just want to join them.