Running in Texas is hot. I have been getting up earlier and earlier each day (so far only on day 3) but it's like no matter how early I try, it's unbearably hot. Dang Texas. I'm considering adjusting my temping schedule and getting up right after the sun rises instead.
But I love it already. I'm running until I'm nauseous, and even though I feel like crap right after, it doesn't take long to feel amazing. Energized, less stress, stronger - it's wonderful. I don't think I realized how badly I'd let myself get down. The last 2 months have been a blur of the loss of LL, Justin deploying, countless medical tests and hoops to jump through, and trying to get everything that's been neglected taken care of. I push the sadness, the worry, and the frustration down and bottle it up inside. I have a few great friends there are there to listen to me vent, but I tend to play-down a lot of what I'm feeling. I'm afraid that if I let it all out, it will overwhelm me, and that's a scary thing.
But I need an outlet, and I'm so excited that this seems to be it. I also hope that when Justin comes home, this is something we can do together. I really feel like it's just a matter of time before I'm feeling like myself again.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Let's Get It Started!
Everything, that is! It's go time, and I am psyched.
This morning, I signed up for the Couch to 5k program my friends have raved about.
http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
I have 8 weeks until the 5k out of town, and I'm determined to run the whole thing without stopping or slowing to a walk. I know I can do it, and I'm not giving up until I reach my goal. I'm have a shelf in my closet of pants I outgrew but refused to get rid of. Pants that haven't fit since I was 20. And I'm going to get my ass in them, and rock them again.
Also, if you look to the right, you'll see a new little icon on my page. After a long time talking about doing this, and having lots of people ask me about it, I'm moving forward with selling my scrapbook frames. There's not much in my portfolio for now, as I've just been doing them for my home or for gifts, but I have a ton of new ideas and items that I'm working on. I can't wait to introduce them, including an all military themed line! I love doing these, and it's great to give me something to keep busy with. :)
I also want to take a second to share a friend's amazing page as well. She makes custom military purses, tote bags, keychains, and even pet beds! Check it out:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001328146321&ref=ts
Lastly in the news, I took a legitimate first step in my IUI journey. As you've read, I've had a hell of a time with referrals, being bounced around Dr. to Dr., and trying to jump through 100 hoops to *maybe* get a spot at the IVF/IUI clinic the Army sends you to. Right now there are still not even CONSULT spots open, and there is really no way of knowing if I'd get in and be able to do the procedure before Justin comes home. This struggle is tough enough without all this stress of getting a plan together this way.
So, I'm done with trying to work it all out. I'm going to do this on my time, at my place of choice, and unfortunately lol, with my money. I'm to a point where it is worth my sanity to just do this out of pocket. I spent a lot of days calling around to places within driving distance, and found what I believe will be a wonderful fit. The cryobank where I would pick up the samples is in Austin, so ideally my clinic would be too, and that's what I've found. The people I've spoken with so far are great, and the best part if that they remember who I am when I call. That's not something that happens when you're being seen on-base. They seem proactive, positive, and even offer 50% off of all my tests and procedures done through them as a military discount. I cried when they told me that.
It's like this huge weight is of my shoulders with all this. All my RPL tests came back normal, and we've done everything possible through the IF specialist on base. Now the ball is in my court, and it is such a relief feeling like I'm in control of my care with this, and seeing an end in sight by having a real timeline for getting to the IUIs. My consult is next week, and I'm excited to meet the Dr. that will be handling everything. I'm praying that this is the Dr. and the place that will lead to our take home baby.
This morning, I signed up for the Couch to 5k program my friends have raved about.
http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
I have 8 weeks until the 5k out of town, and I'm determined to run the whole thing without stopping or slowing to a walk. I know I can do it, and I'm not giving up until I reach my goal. I'm have a shelf in my closet of pants I outgrew but refused to get rid of. Pants that haven't fit since I was 20. And I'm going to get my ass in them, and rock them again.
Also, if you look to the right, you'll see a new little icon on my page. After a long time talking about doing this, and having lots of people ask me about it, I'm moving forward with selling my scrapbook frames. There's not much in my portfolio for now, as I've just been doing them for my home or for gifts, but I have a ton of new ideas and items that I'm working on. I can't wait to introduce them, including an all military themed line! I love doing these, and it's great to give me something to keep busy with. :)
I also want to take a second to share a friend's amazing page as well. She makes custom military purses, tote bags, keychains, and even pet beds! Check it out:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001328146321&ref=ts
Lastly in the news, I took a legitimate first step in my IUI journey. As you've read, I've had a hell of a time with referrals, being bounced around Dr. to Dr., and trying to jump through 100 hoops to *maybe* get a spot at the IVF/IUI clinic the Army sends you to. Right now there are still not even CONSULT spots open, and there is really no way of knowing if I'd get in and be able to do the procedure before Justin comes home. This struggle is tough enough without all this stress of getting a plan together this way.
So, I'm done with trying to work it all out. I'm going to do this on my time, at my place of choice, and unfortunately lol, with my money. I'm to a point where it is worth my sanity to just do this out of pocket. I spent a lot of days calling around to places within driving distance, and found what I believe will be a wonderful fit. The cryobank where I would pick up the samples is in Austin, so ideally my clinic would be too, and that's what I've found. The people I've spoken with so far are great, and the best part if that they remember who I am when I call. That's not something that happens when you're being seen on-base. They seem proactive, positive, and even offer 50% off of all my tests and procedures done through them as a military discount. I cried when they told me that.
It's like this huge weight is of my shoulders with all this. All my RPL tests came back normal, and we've done everything possible through the IF specialist on base. Now the ball is in my court, and it is such a relief feeling like I'm in control of my care with this, and seeing an end in sight by having a real timeline for getting to the IUIs. My consult is next week, and I'm excited to meet the Dr. that will be handling everything. I'm praying that this is the Dr. and the place that will lead to our take home baby.
Make New Friends But Keep the Old
Or however that lame camp song went. It's absolutely right.
The 19-21 of this month, I had the opportunity to go on a retreat with a group of Army wives who also have their husbands deployed. To be honest, I was nervous about going. I didn't really know anyone, but it seemed most everyone had kids they were bringing. I was afraid it was going to be hard on my heart, but decided to give it a shot anyhow.
There were moments I excused myself, yes. Sitting at a table where everyone is only talking about their kids is tough. Even tougher when I'd get the "Do you have kids? Oh, why not, do you no want them?" questions. Because you know, the only reason someone wouldn't have kids is because they chose not to, right? Sigh. But I'm aware that most people just don't understand, and mean well, so I am getting better at taking those comments with a grain of salt. If it got to be too much, I'd just skip the meal and eat in my room, or go to the spa - which was fabulous.
The second day I spent drinking pina coladas by the pool and enjoying my opportunity to be at such a beautiful place. I ordered room service for dinner, and got ready for the night. I found a fabulous group of girls that either didn't have kids, or got sitters for the evening. We had drinks and chatted at the great bar in the hotel, and kicked it up a notch by taking a shuttle to the local bar and dance hall, and had a wonderful time. We also had some heart to hearts, where I learned of others who had been through losses, which let me open up about my own, and even had a woman come to me and ask more about my story. It was a pretty amazing not feeling like I have to hide away the struggles in fear of making someone uncomfortable. It really was a great trip, and I'm so glad I went and made some new friends.
I also got to see my oldest friend last week! I picked up Christie at the Austin airport on my way home from the spa. She's the first person to come and visit me in Texas, and we had some serious catching up to do. :) We went to "Summer Fun" at the water park the first night - an adults only, BYOB and live music event, and that was a blast. We went to some dinners out, I showed her around town and base, and tried to take her places she could only go in Texas. We also went to Belton Lake once school started back, and practically had the place to ourselves. It was great, and so relaxing. Mostly we just kept things low key though, and really got to talk and catch up on things. We haven't actually seen each other in a long time, so it was really nice to hang out. I'm so happy she came to see me, and I hope that she will again so we can check out some stuff outside of town!
The 19-21 of this month, I had the opportunity to go on a retreat with a group of Army wives who also have their husbands deployed. To be honest, I was nervous about going. I didn't really know anyone, but it seemed most everyone had kids they were bringing. I was afraid it was going to be hard on my heart, but decided to give it a shot anyhow.
There were moments I excused myself, yes. Sitting at a table where everyone is only talking about their kids is tough. Even tougher when I'd get the "Do you have kids? Oh, why not, do you no want them?" questions. Because you know, the only reason someone wouldn't have kids is because they chose not to, right? Sigh. But I'm aware that most people just don't understand, and mean well, so I am getting better at taking those comments with a grain of salt. If it got to be too much, I'd just skip the meal and eat in my room, or go to the spa - which was fabulous.
 |
| View from my room. |
The second day I spent drinking pina coladas by the pool and enjoying my opportunity to be at such a beautiful place. I ordered room service for dinner, and got ready for the night. I found a fabulous group of girls that either didn't have kids, or got sitters for the evening. We had drinks and chatted at the great bar in the hotel, and kicked it up a notch by taking a shuttle to the local bar and dance hall, and had a wonderful time. We also had some heart to hearts, where I learned of others who had been through losses, which let me open up about my own, and even had a woman come to me and ask more about my story. It was a pretty amazing not feeling like I have to hide away the struggles in fear of making someone uncomfortable. It really was a great trip, and I'm so glad I went and made some new friends.
Monday, August 16, 2010
The Best Thing
Yeah we've got bills to pay
And we got nothin' figured out
When it gets hard to take
Yes, yes, this is what I thought about
Do you remember we were sittin' there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine
-TS-
Loving you is as easy as breathing. But when things get tough for us - distance, finances, obstacles - I think I love you even more, because I remember how far we've come, and how we can make it through anything. Together. I miss you, soldier.
And we got nothin' figured out
When it gets hard to take
Yes, yes, this is what I thought about
Do you remember we were sittin' there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine
-TS-
Loving you is as easy as breathing. But when things get tough for us - distance, finances, obstacles - I think I love you even more, because I remember how far we've come, and how we can make it through anything. Together. I miss you, soldier.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
A Little Progress.
Slowly but surely, it's moving forward! I had an appointment with my RE on Tuesday, who I adore. The HSG results came back great, thank goodness. Also, I'd been worried I'd really have to push for RPL testing, but she offered it to me without me asking. I was so grateful, she really is amazing. I was able to go the the lab right after my appointment and get it done, and I'll go back to see her in 3 weeks to go over the results.
The bad news is the place that Tricare sends you for IUI/IVF is full, and not taking new consults. I am very fortunate to live within driving distance to this facility, as it's one of only *I believe* 3 base hospitals in the country that do these procedures. If that means I have to wait a little, then that's what I'll do. Hopefully I can get some more information when I got back in a few weeks. Besides, I want to know all my test results and figure out what my new cycle "normal" will be before I make any kind of plans with the procedures anyway. It would just be nice to know I could get in and get established, so that it was all set when that time comes, but I'm trying to be patient.
Two steps forward, one step back - but that still gets you there eventually. :)
The bad news is the place that Tricare sends you for IUI/IVF is full, and not taking new consults. I am very fortunate to live within driving distance to this facility, as it's one of only *I believe* 3 base hospitals in the country that do these procedures. If that means I have to wait a little, then that's what I'll do. Hopefully I can get some more information when I got back in a few weeks. Besides, I want to know all my test results and figure out what my new cycle "normal" will be before I make any kind of plans with the procedures anyway. It would just be nice to know I could get in and get established, so that it was all set when that time comes, but I'm trying to be patient.
Two steps forward, one step back - but that still gets you there eventually. :)
Monday, August 2, 2010
Happy Anniversary, Soldier.
Today is mine and Justin's 2 year wedding anniversary. Obviously, I'll be spending it alone, and that kind of sucks. However, it would be more than enough for me just to hear from him. It's so hard to have him gone.
I can't believe it's been 2 years since we said I do. It was the happiest day of my life, and every day since, I've fallen more in love with him. Justin means everything to me, and we get stronger as a couple at every turn. I don't think either of us expected to face the things we have in our first 2 years of marriage, but we've gotten through it together. There is no one else in the world I would want by my side in the good times and the bad.
Right now, yeah, things are tough. I worry about my husband, and I miss him constantly. It's a long road that we have ahead of us with the rest of the deployment, but I'm confident that it will be yet another thing that makes us stronger. I'm so lucky to have him in my life. We have found a perfect mix of fairy tale and friendship, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
My Mav - I love you with all my heart. Happy anniversary, baby. Stay safe soldier.
I can't believe it's been 2 years since we said I do. It was the happiest day of my life, and every day since, I've fallen more in love with him. Justin means everything to me, and we get stronger as a couple at every turn. I don't think either of us expected to face the things we have in our first 2 years of marriage, but we've gotten through it together. There is no one else in the world I would want by my side in the good times and the bad.
Right now, yeah, things are tough. I worry about my husband, and I miss him constantly. It's a long road that we have ahead of us with the rest of the deployment, but I'm confident that it will be yet another thing that makes us stronger. I'm so lucky to have him in my life. We have found a perfect mix of fairy tale and friendship, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
My Mav - I love you with all my heart. Happy anniversary, baby. Stay safe soldier.
