The next few months.

Roseanne Cash once said that 'the key to change is to let go of fear.' Clearly, Roseanne Cash is braver than I am, because I haven't the faintest idea of how to do that.

We are still waiting on orders for our next duty station, and there is really no telling when we will get them. Hopefully it will be before Hubs gets home, because knowing you're moving and not being able to make any plans is stressful. We have to have a plan, and 2 back up plans, just in case the timing doesn't work out, or places won't take our pets. Good times.

I'm currently on CD6 and will hopefully have an IUI attempt this cycle. I'll be going home for Easter, and have my next monitoring appointment as soon as I come back. I'm just crossing my fingers that I don't get a +OPK while I'm at home, or this cycle is a bust. I see my rheumatologist on Thursday to talk about the steroids for the auto-immune. I'm just praying that the timing works out okay, and that this new plan with the meds does the trick.

Obviously, we would be thrilled and grateful for a healthy pregnancy at any point. However, there is an added stress that comes from TTCAL around a military schedule. There is a chance that he could deploy again a year after returning, which leaves us about 3 cycles once he's home to have this happen if he wanted to be here for the due date. It puts even more pressure on these IUI cycles, because I know what a difference that few months could make to us. It's just so unfair, but that's life. It's certainly mine at least.

I feel like all the things I want in my life are being juggled, only instead of being skillfully balanced, they are all just thrown into the air. And I'm waiting, ducked and covered, for them all to come crashing down on me. I'm just tired of feeling like everything is temporary.