This has been a big week diagnosis wise. Countless tests, blood draws, meds, and playing musical REs for years now - all that has led to nothing as far as an actual infertility cause. The mild lupus, yes, that has an influence on getting and staying pregnant. However, it doesn't explain the wacky cycles, lack of ovulation, short LP, or other symptoms of hormone imbalance.
But PCOS does. I met with new RE yesterday, and he mentioned my PCOS. Um, my what? Oh, that thing that no one noticed before? Yup, that. In defense of my previous Docs, they were pretty focused on the immunology, but still. I have almost every PCOS symptom. I've noted them on every new intake form when I get sent to yet another new RE. And nothing ever even mentioned. Oh well. It's out there now.
As much as getting told there is a 'problem' stinks, I'm beyond relieved. The answers I've gotten this week explain so many things about the trouble I've had the last few years. It also means that I have a much better chance of changing things outcome wise in the future.
Next cycle, I'll start G.onal F and monitoring, and will be triggering (hopefully) in a time that works with DH coming home from a short training trip. If that works, I'll start the lupus treatments. If not, we will adjust the meds, and try again until DH leaves for deployment again. Just keeping my fingers crossed that the outcome will be different this time that it was before last deployment.
In other news, our make-up class for Foster Care licensing was last night. So we are officially done with all out classes, and all that's left is turning in the rest of the papers, and waiting on home study to be scheduled. It has been an amazing process so far, and I can't wait for the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of kids who need us.
It's such a change to feel positive about the future. To feel like somehow, some way, a family is on the horizon in some way or another.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Lupus "Lite"
That's my current diagnosis after my first appointment with my new rheumatologist. Auto Immune/Connective Tissue Disease/Mild Lupus. This doesn't rule out full-on lupus, it is just all the can be diagnosed in a single visit based on symptoms and past labs. For now though, that is where it stands. I had lots of blood work and testing done, like always. I go back in one month for follow up tests so my Doc can start monitoring for damage to any organs or systems. That's the only way to nail down calling it full blown Lupus. If there isn't significant damage at this time, it still may be progressing that direction, so it is a scary and uncertain road. The comfort comes in knowing that I'm going to be watched closely, be treated proactively, and that if and when things go downhill, it will be caught quickly. I feel confident in my new Doc, and in the care of this practice, and for that, I'm so fortunate.
My overall health, of course, comes first and foremost. I'm so thankful to feel like I'm in good hands with that. However, I will admit that I left in happy tears at how he will be addressing my concerns of how this has impacted my struggles with IF and RPL. His outlook on it was that - if there are treatments that won't hurt, and have a good chance of helping, why would we not pull out all the stops after all I've been through? And that is an approach I've been hoping to find in a Dr. for the last 15ish months since I found out about the auto immune issues. It's getting longer between each pregnancy, with each pregnancy being shorter than the one before. It's been almost a year since my last BFP, and that only lasted a few day - even though my treatments have been stronger, and more involved since then. I've had significant symptom flare ups in that time as well. I have to believe they are connected. If there are things that I can do or take that might be game changing, bring it on.
So, it's P.laquenil starting immediately to combat my symptoms and flare ups. That will help me feel better, but also may help lend success to upcoming IF treatments. If I get pregnant again, I'll add in P.rednisone steroid treatment, as well as injection blood thinners, likely L.ovenox. He may also add progesterone shots, since I have low numbers in the department. That's the plan, and it is one I feel great about. I still have to *get* to the part where it comes into play though. That whole pesky actually getting pregnant thing that I'm not too good at? That's my big obstacle now. I can only hope that my new RE that I start with next week will be as understanding and proactive. Oh, and that they will work with Soldier's training and deployment schedule, which will cause some complications.
It is a lot to process. This is a journey I only recently decided to revisit, and it is a little tough to get my head in the right place with it. But, I can honestly say that I'm glad we reopened this door. Knowing that everything that can be done, will be done - that's huge. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. At least I'll know I took this ride as far as it could go, and won't regret, or wonder 'what if' down the line.
My overall health, of course, comes first and foremost. I'm so thankful to feel like I'm in good hands with that. However, I will admit that I left in happy tears at how he will be addressing my concerns of how this has impacted my struggles with IF and RPL. His outlook on it was that - if there are treatments that won't hurt, and have a good chance of helping, why would we not pull out all the stops after all I've been through? And that is an approach I've been hoping to find in a Dr. for the last 15ish months since I found out about the auto immune issues. It's getting longer between each pregnancy, with each pregnancy being shorter than the one before. It's been almost a year since my last BFP, and that only lasted a few day - even though my treatments have been stronger, and more involved since then. I've had significant symptom flare ups in that time as well. I have to believe they are connected. If there are things that I can do or take that might be game changing, bring it on.
So, it's P.laquenil starting immediately to combat my symptoms and flare ups. That will help me feel better, but also may help lend success to upcoming IF treatments. If I get pregnant again, I'll add in P.rednisone steroid treatment, as well as injection blood thinners, likely L.ovenox. He may also add progesterone shots, since I have low numbers in the department. That's the plan, and it is one I feel great about. I still have to *get* to the part where it comes into play though. That whole pesky actually getting pregnant thing that I'm not too good at? That's my big obstacle now. I can only hope that my new RE that I start with next week will be as understanding and proactive. Oh, and that they will work with Soldier's training and deployment schedule, which will cause some complications.
It is a lot to process. This is a journey I only recently decided to revisit, and it is a little tough to get my head in the right place with it. But, I can honestly say that I'm glad we reopened this door. Knowing that everything that can be done, will be done - that's huge. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. At least I'll know I took this ride as far as it could go, and won't regret, or wonder 'what if' down the line.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
This Time Next Week...
...we will be finished with our pre-approval classes! Then it's constant prep and waiting for the home study to be scheduled. Hopefully that won't be too long, because the 'real' waiting starts after that. I had a really rough weekend, where I was so overwhelmed, I was starting to really doubt if I could handle it all. I know those moments are going to happen. I can't be strong and positive 100% of the time, but it can still be tough not to feel like a failure when I get overwhelmed. I'm so lucky though, as I have been for over 2 years now, to have such amazing friends. I feel loved by them whether I'm at my best, or at my worst, and that is pretty phenomenal to me.
I'm now looking for outlets here locally. The pets are great, the house keeps me busy, and so on. But I really want to have a little craft business. Or group or class of some sort. I will be going back to school again soon also. Something I've attempted, and then dropped too many times - but I really do need a degree that opens doors no matter where the Army sends us. That's been a challenge with my major from college, pre-marriage and military. I don't want to spend my time working frivolous jobs just because they are what my area has to offer. I'd rather add to my skills and education, so that I can get an actual career now that we will be here awhile. We also have some big decisions to make about our living situation in the future. As much as I work, the progress is still not enough to be comfortable long term. There is so much we can do, and have done, to make it look/feel nicer, and acceptable for home study. But, continuing to absorb the responsibilities of the problems that keep arising is so much added stress, and I'm just not happy with the road it's taking us down. No matter what call we make, it will impact everything else, so we are trying to weigh our options carefully.
Until then, more waiting!
I'm now looking for outlets here locally. The pets are great, the house keeps me busy, and so on. But I really want to have a little craft business. Or group or class of some sort. I will be going back to school again soon also. Something I've attempted, and then dropped too many times - but I really do need a degree that opens doors no matter where the Army sends us. That's been a challenge with my major from college, pre-marriage and military. I don't want to spend my time working frivolous jobs just because they are what my area has to offer. I'd rather add to my skills and education, so that I can get an actual career now that we will be here awhile. We also have some big decisions to make about our living situation in the future. As much as I work, the progress is still not enough to be comfortable long term. There is so much we can do, and have done, to make it look/feel nicer, and acceptable for home study. But, continuing to absorb the responsibilities of the problems that keep arising is so much added stress, and I'm just not happy with the road it's taking us down. No matter what call we make, it will impact everything else, so we are trying to weigh our options carefully.
Until then, more waiting!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Open Minds and Open Hearts
After months of trying to get into a class set that fit our schedules, we started our actual classes this past Saturday. It was great! Our instructor is wonderful to say the least, and she was so helpful with all of our questions. I feel like both DH and I opened our minds to situations we hadn't thought about taking on before, which I hope will bode well for the twists and turns this road will likely take.
Now, we would certainly love to adopt a waiting child or children. That's no secret. But the state, and DCS, is *not* an adoption agency. This is a vastly different route and journey. We are not just going to get our license, and wait for a call for a little girl we get to take in as our own. Not when there are so, so many kids in the system, and with the state having such a large need for foster care homes. It frustrates me when people assume this will be quick or easy. Or to be told to "let them know when we get our kid(s)." It doesn't work like that.
In TN, a family has to be a foster family for at least 6 months before they are able to start the adoption process. Sometimes that adoption could be a child that is already in your care. Sometimes not. But the bottom line is, if we can make a difference in the life of the kids that come into our home, whether it is for a day, a week, or forever... why would we not jump at the chance? The biggest thing I learned in this class was what a profound effect each home can have on the kids that stay there. Every child deserves an environment where they feel loved, safe and comfortable, and I'm going to do my best to give that to each child that comes to us.
This week will be full of paperwork, continuing to get our house up to home study standards, and preparing for a full day of more classes on Saturday. The more I learn about this process, the more I realize how long and difficult it will be. And at the same time, I get more and more excited about tackling it all.
Now, we would certainly love to adopt a waiting child or children. That's no secret. But the state, and DCS, is *not* an adoption agency. This is a vastly different route and journey. We are not just going to get our license, and wait for a call for a little girl we get to take in as our own. Not when there are so, so many kids in the system, and with the state having such a large need for foster care homes. It frustrates me when people assume this will be quick or easy. Or to be told to "let them know when we get our kid(s)." It doesn't work like that.
In TN, a family has to be a foster family for at least 6 months before they are able to start the adoption process. Sometimes that adoption could be a child that is already in your care. Sometimes not. But the bottom line is, if we can make a difference in the life of the kids that come into our home, whether it is for a day, a week, or forever... why would we not jump at the chance? The biggest thing I learned in this class was what a profound effect each home can have on the kids that stay there. Every child deserves an environment where they feel loved, safe and comfortable, and I'm going to do my best to give that to each child that comes to us.
This week will be full of paperwork, continuing to get our house up to home study standards, and preparing for a full day of more classes on Saturday. The more I learn about this process, the more I realize how long and difficult it will be. And at the same time, I get more and more excited about tackling it all.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
New Year, Same Resolutions.
I've been a craptastic blogger, but the last few months have been insane. Yet, all of the crazy was the same things over and over, so there really wasn't anything interesting to write about. The house repairs have become a consuming, financially and emotionally draining, never ending cluster. But we've gotten a ton done.
All new carpet is finally in. Every room had to be painted to cover the smoke smells and stains. All the blinds have been replaced for the same reason. The missing door frames have all been finished. I also fixed 3 windows, and framed 3 others until they can be replaced. Broken and mis-matched fixtures and ceiling fans have been changed out. The kitchen and bathroom tiles have been caulked where they weren't upon move-in. Broken, filthy shower doors are down, as are the jagged, broken porcelain wall-mounted fixtures. After 8 total hours of cleaning out the back patio of the previous residents trash and junk, the backyard is clean and the dogs are happy.
Oh yeah, dogs plural. We rescued a puppy that was about to be put down. He's name is Toby, and from the vet, and then our own research, we think he's a black and tan coonhound and walker coonhound mix. My husband thinks it is hilarious that I'd end up with a raccoon hunting dog, but that's another story.
So finally, it's finally starting to feel like a home here. The ILs visited the day after Christmas, and we all had a really nice time. I'm hoping my parents will be visiting sometime this month. When we lived in Texas, we only saw everyone once a year, so it's nice to have them for visits.
There is a short list priorities structurally, including a decent amount of electrical repairs, some plumbing issues, 2 soffit and facia board replacements, and the HVAC system getting tuned up. Other than that, we can just do a little at a time, but at least be comfortable living here, and proud of the work we've done when they come for home study.
Husband and I go to DCS tomorrow for our next step, and I'm nervous. We've decided to open our profile to one child for now instead of 2 - a little girl between 0-6. With DH deploying sometime this year, I just feel strongly that it will be easier for a girl placement to adjust and thrive alone with just me for a while.
So that's my life right now as I bring in the New Year. It's hard to believe it's 2012. It feels like yesterday, and long ago, all at the same time that I started each New Year's with the resolution that *this* year, will be the year. The year we have a family. Most everyone around me brought in 2012 with their healthy little ones, or with little ones on the way. But for me, it's the same resolutions all over again. Get settled at (insert whatever new place we've moved), have a child, let DH have a safe deployment, and so on. Yet those are still my hopes and dreams for this year. I really hope the universe has something up it's sleeve for us in the months to come.
All new carpet is finally in. Every room had to be painted to cover the smoke smells and stains. All the blinds have been replaced for the same reason. The missing door frames have all been finished. I also fixed 3 windows, and framed 3 others until they can be replaced. Broken and mis-matched fixtures and ceiling fans have been changed out. The kitchen and bathroom tiles have been caulked where they weren't upon move-in. Broken, filthy shower doors are down, as are the jagged, broken porcelain wall-mounted fixtures. After 8 total hours of cleaning out the back patio of the previous residents trash and junk, the backyard is clean and the dogs are happy.
Oh yeah, dogs plural. We rescued a puppy that was about to be put down. He's name is Toby, and from the vet, and then our own research, we think he's a black and tan coonhound and walker coonhound mix. My husband thinks it is hilarious that I'd end up with a raccoon hunting dog, but that's another story.
So finally, it's finally starting to feel like a home here. The ILs visited the day after Christmas, and we all had a really nice time. I'm hoping my parents will be visiting sometime this month. When we lived in Texas, we only saw everyone once a year, so it's nice to have them for visits.
There is a short list priorities structurally, including a decent amount of electrical repairs, some plumbing issues, 2 soffit and facia board replacements, and the HVAC system getting tuned up. Other than that, we can just do a little at a time, but at least be comfortable living here, and proud of the work we've done when they come for home study.
Husband and I go to DCS tomorrow for our next step, and I'm nervous. We've decided to open our profile to one child for now instead of 2 - a little girl between 0-6. With DH deploying sometime this year, I just feel strongly that it will be easier for a girl placement to adjust and thrive alone with just me for a while.
So that's my life right now as I bring in the New Year. It's hard to believe it's 2012. It feels like yesterday, and long ago, all at the same time that I started each New Year's with the resolution that *this* year, will be the year. The year we have a family. Most everyone around me brought in 2012 with their healthy little ones, or with little ones on the way. But for me, it's the same resolutions all over again. Get settled at (insert whatever new place we've moved), have a child, let DH have a safe deployment, and so on. Yet those are still my hopes and dreams for this year. I really hope the universe has something up it's sleeve for us in the months to come.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Small update.
Things have been so busy! I haven't kept up well on the whole blog thing. We are loving TN, and I'm so grateful to be stationed here. The house we moved into has such amazing potential, but it is going to take some time and effort to get it there. We've been here nearly a month, but didn't start really working on the house until about 3 weeks ago. In that time, we've almost totally remodeled the basement, complete with putting down new flooring (go, me!) all new paint, baseboards, and boxing in exposed metal load-bearing poles. A bit of work has been done upstairs, but the larger projects there will have to wait a few more weeks. I'm really proud of what has been done so far. And because I have the most wonderful friends, I've got some extra help with future endeavors. :)
The draw back of work needing to be done, is that it forces us to push back our foster-adopt classes. Instead of starting next week, it looks like hopefully the beginning of December. I'd love to have the classes knocked out before Christmas, so that we could enjoy having that behind us, and the house all done, for the holidays. That gives us about 5 more weeks to have the whole house, and child's room, in tip-top shape. We have been buying baby things though, little by little. In almost every way, we're ready to take on having a placement. But the reality is that we want to have the house fully ready as well, because our child or children deserve our full attention, and the best environment possible. You really only get one shot with the home study, and it is important to us to show the coordinator everything we've done in preparation for this. We want them to know how seriously we are taking this, and how we both want to be the best parents possible for the children that will be placed in our care.
The draw back of work needing to be done, is that it forces us to push back our foster-adopt classes. Instead of starting next week, it looks like hopefully the beginning of December. I'd love to have the classes knocked out before Christmas, so that we could enjoy having that behind us, and the house all done, for the holidays. That gives us about 5 more weeks to have the whole house, and child's room, in tip-top shape. We have been buying baby things though, little by little. In almost every way, we're ready to take on having a placement. But the reality is that we want to have the house fully ready as well, because our child or children deserve our full attention, and the best environment possible. You really only get one shot with the home study, and it is important to us to show the coordinator everything we've done in preparation for this. We want them to know how seriously we are taking this, and how we both want to be the best parents possible for the children that will be placed in our care.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Hello, Tennessee, I'm Home!
The last few weeks have been crazy! Getting packed, getting on the road, and getting to TN has been an adventure. In a lot of ways, I feel like I've just been waiting to be here.
In the summer of 2005, I decided I wanted to move to TN. I picked a town off of a map, did a lot of research, and even got an apartment and roommate lined up. At the last minute, I decided to relocate with my parents, to where they live now in NC. I'm so glad I did, because it was there that I met the love of my life that winter.
We enjoyed our college years together, got married in 2008, and he joined the Army in 2009. We spent our first 2 years of Army life in Texas, and then on his deployment, we got a change of duty station. To the same town I planned on moving to in 2005. :)
Silly as it sounds, I feel like I was supposed to end up here. I just tried to get here a few years too early. Now, I'm here with my amazing husband, our wonderful pets, and we are starting a whole new chapter. I always thought this town was my chance to start over, and now, it really gets to be. This will be the town we set down roots it. The town we really call home. And best of all, our kids are here. Somewhere in TN, they are out there, just waiting for us. That's pretty incredible to think about.
In the summer of 2005, I decided I wanted to move to TN. I picked a town off of a map, did a lot of research, and even got an apartment and roommate lined up. At the last minute, I decided to relocate with my parents, to where they live now in NC. I'm so glad I did, because it was there that I met the love of my life that winter.
We enjoyed our college years together, got married in 2008, and he joined the Army in 2009. We spent our first 2 years of Army life in Texas, and then on his deployment, we got a change of duty station. To the same town I planned on moving to in 2005. :)
Silly as it sounds, I feel like I was supposed to end up here. I just tried to get here a few years too early. Now, I'm here with my amazing husband, our wonderful pets, and we are starting a whole new chapter. I always thought this town was my chance to start over, and now, it really gets to be. This will be the town we set down roots it. The town we really call home. And best of all, our kids are here. Somewhere in TN, they are out there, just waiting for us. That's pretty incredible to think about.
Friday, September 23, 2011
I give up.
At my final RE appointment today, I learned that I already O'd on my own. This appointment was made 3 days earlier than the previous one in order to avoid this happening again. Glad that worked out so well. I just don't understand. Two years of my body being almost increasingly uncooperative, and now, when it's our last few cycle attempts, it decides to work? Don't get me wrong, textbook-esque cycles are fine by me... so long as I'm aware of it! I'd be happy to keep trying while moving forward with the adoption, now that I have an RE and a plan that is clearly making progress. But, I don't have that option, so I'm a little frustrated that on our last attempt, it is once again out of my control.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
10 Years.
I didn't post on the 11th. There was such a blur of other posts, TV coverage, Facebook memorials. But that day is something I'm reminded of constantly, not just on the anniversary of it. That day is why my husband spends a year at a time overseas, risking his life to fight back against what was done to our country in 2001. My parents worked in commercial aviation for nearly 20 years, stopping only a few years before this event. My mom's best friend was only a few blocks away, having just gotten into NYC as a flight attendant the day before. She's the one that woke me up that day, when I was home sick from school, telling me what was going on. I remember vividly looking down to see the I Heart NY tee shirt I'd slept in, and looking out the window. Realizing that the world I was waking up to was so irrevocably different than the one I'd fallen asleep in the night before.
That day changed so much, and was so full of needless loss and hurt. The 11th, today, and always I remember those lost, those left behind, and those fighting for America.
That day changed so much, and was so full of needless loss and hurt. The 11th, today, and always I remember those lost, those left behind, and those fighting for America.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
:deep breath:
I don't know why I'm so overwhelmed about this, but I am. But in a good way. We just bought our first adoption thing! A deep purple toddler recliner. Totally random, yes, but I ran across it online and had to have it. When we move next month, we're re-doing the living room for the new house. The theme is based around an amazing print we bought from a local artist in San Antonio - pale yellow and shades of gray and purple. It sounds so silly, but when I saw that little purple chair, all I could think was how perfectly it would fit into our home. How perfectly the child or children that will sit on it will fit into our home. To know that in all these talks, and plans, and 100 steps left to go in our process... that at some point, it will end with a family.
